Brown Bunnies
by LittleThinkerGirl
Summary: Uncle Monty was a well to do sort of person with a pleasant smile and the Baudelaires thought very highly of him...indeed we often make mistakes in our lives don't we?
1. Music to her ears

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_Welcome to the past I ought to say I hate to dwell too much in it but I fear I must for the better. Sometimes it appears it is better to relive the past to understand the future. I write now with a sad heart and an even sadder memory. I have written of the Baudelaire children and even of myself but I have yet to write of the Baudelaire parents. Now brace yourself if you choose to read this, which I hope you do not. Though this story may appear to be quiet pleasant and may appear to have a happy ending I am compelled to warn you in this story there is very little things to be happy about. I do wish you the best and desire you do not drown in a pit of sorrow a phase meaning die of sadness._

Okay people I read all the books, seen the movie, have the sound track and to me it appears Beatrice is the Baudelaire's mother. I am going to take a wild guess because that will help move along my story. Sorry if you do not share my views and I do not own the Baudelaires. Wish I did I would have Klaus tied to my bed -.

_I hate to be the bearer of bad news; I am often so in most cases but I live in a very different world and you may have to ask yourself if you are indeed a part of this world. If you are I am deeply sorry for you if you aren't do no despair for soon you will be._

Beatrice was 14 years old and very nervous. She was about to perform bells to a very felicity decoding song for the volunteer female donation fund. Song parts were mailed to random people by the very fast delivery service and seemed to call on the talents of the person it wanted. Beatrice was respectively good with bells. Song parts where also secret though and where only to be performed together _once_ in front of a reserved audience on Briny Beach.

"Staging!" "Oh my," Beatrice sucked in a deep breath checking and rechecking her bells, hair, dress and overall appearance. She wasn't sure she could do this. _ I must butt in for a moment to tell you Beatrice was wonderful at the bells and I will hear no negative comments about my beloved_. "Nervous are we?" Beatrice peered up at a stocky yet gentle looking red head draped in lime green. "Yes I am very very nervous sir" "Oh call me Monty!" He grinned holding out his hand; Beatrice took it and gave a hearty shake. "Beatrice !#$" _Oh deeply sorry that was the_ _bell meaning it was time for the players to take to the stage._ Monty nodded with a slight nudge to the thin girl, "Bells hmm I love bells they are just the thing the song needs I'm sure of it" "Oh!" Beatrice slammed the red velvet case closed for fear she would get in trouble for someone else seeing the secret items. She didn't want to be forced to leave she had practiced for days on end. The click of the case made Montgomery give a deep chuckle, "Fear not my dear we are on together." Montgomery held up a neon green violin. Beatrice for some reason or another, that I will never know of, felt some relief to be standing in the presents of such a nice man. "Let us go show off!" Montgomery smiled, Beatrice raced after Monty up the stairs to an elaborate stage with a large eye on the purple curtains.

_Pleasant so far? Please I beg you not to read on for a whole misfortunate is soon to come._


	2. The Stage

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_If you have made it this far I know not whether to commend you for being so brave or be very displeased with you for not heeding my warning. You have met Beatrice by now and you must be taken back by her innocent nature, youth and overall naïve point of view about the music she is to perform or the man she has just met. For you I will warn again in this story there are no happy endings and very few happy things in the middle. Turn back now and read a cute story about a wizard or maybe one about a family with super powers. _

This is the second chapter I am trying to get them out as fast as I can but between homework, school and work it is a difficult thing. I do not own the Baudelaires still wishing I did. By the way if you have the soundtrack -I advise you to get it, it was Oscar nominated- the song they play in my story is track 15 VFD!

"Another bell player? How can this be! Bells are only for 'In' people and you are clearly not in." The woman's voice sent shivers up Beatrice's spine as it should have. "In?" The woman gave a heavy sigh as she laid out her silver bells. "Yes 'In', non-neon orange nail polish, no peacock feathers?" as the young woman spoke she patted her bun with neon orange nails. The bun as well as most her fashionable dress was decked out in an layers peacock feathers. "Oh" Beatrice nodded not to be rude and reminded herself never to be "In". "Bells front and center! Violins left, Basses right everyone else fill in around the outside!" _Where had that voluble finicky deep voice come from?_ Beatrice quickly looked up at the place where the voice had come from only to be slightly disappointed at the eye shaped intercom hanging from a line of lights. _Maybe the voice was the reason she was_ _there. Often we would hear that voice and often we would be disappointed to find an eye shaped intercom._ _Only after coming to the Carnival did we find out it was…oh my tea is done. Where were we? Ah yes the song._ Like dominoes, a term meaning very abruptly one after the other in such a way that made Beatrice feel like she was trying to swallow a tennis ball, lights began twinkling on and levers were pulled to raise up puzzle shaped chairs. The curtain twisted in the wind threatening to come up at any second.

"Are we the only bell players?" Beatrice choked, "I know! Two is one too many!" The woman groaned straightening her table and spraying herself with a foreign perfume, "This perfume cost my father a lot of money, lucky its 'In' or my acting director would have been very displeased and I would have had to throw it out!" "You act?" The woman let out a horrifying excuse for a laugh wiping her head around to look at Beatrice. "Why its the innest thing to do right now!" _Have you ever walked in to a room quiet content_ _with the fresh breeze outside only to be blind sided meaning so taken back that your eyes_ _water, your mouth contorts into a face only seen on bitter beer commercial by a putrid smell of rotting fish or spoiled salsa? I had the untimely pleasure of in my research to find the perfume she was wearing…I have nothing more to say than the person who made it must have though kitty litter was a lovely smell_. Beatrice covered her nose trying to protect herself from the overwhelming odor. Curtains up. The audience stared expectedly at the orchestra, in the front of each part was a metronome with a green eye. _I'll never be quiet sure how the metronomes started but they did_.

Beatrice whimpered her fingers breaking away from her nose to handle the bells and brave the smell_. I must say the song was just about loveliest song I have ever heard_ _and I'm sure you would agree_. Half way thought the short but sweet song Beatrice turned her head away from the audience and focused her watering eyes on one of the violinist. He was looking back at her_. Ah the joy and misery of love at first sight. _He was a young man with lively ambitious eyes. Thought I could say it was by chance she looked that way for Monty neon violin next to the boy is what really caught her eye. He just so happened to be what held her eyes. He had a fluent nature with the violin like he and the violin were one. _A quick smile stole my sweets hear forever._ Applause the song was over it had been pitch perfect. "Thank you!" The woman bowed. The young man, "Hey!" Beatrice quickly crammed her bells frantically into the case.

She wanted to meet the quick smile. _Crowds are very uncomfortable you get bustled along, miss your stop, drop your wallet, and lose your kids! Very difficult indeed._ Beatrice making her way down the stairs lost her smiler. "Lem!" Tucking the case of bells under her arm Beatrice came up on a young man with a hat sitting in the front row staring down at a large notebook with a thick black pen. "Yes" Beatrice quickly scanned the crowd before returning her attention to Lemony. _Yes it is me, yes I did go to the song please do not be overly inquisitive a term meaning ask to man y questions_. _This story is about the Baudelaire's parents not me I simply help move it along a mere side character_. "Did we do it right?" "Was it nice" Lemony nodded looking up at her with a quick smile. "Do you where the boy went that was next to Monty? The man with the green violin?" "Maybe the crowd somewhere." Lemony faintly responded writing a sentence, "I see what are you writing?" "Nothing" Beatrice pushed her hair back and smiled, "Uh huh you work on your nothing then I'm going to go look for him and I'll meet you back here to go home in 20 okay?" "Okay" Lemony mumbled, _Please do not think I was being rude to Beatrice at that moment I had been writing of my secret love for her, at 18 years old I was stupidly optimistic that my shadowy life would be saved from an opaque future of misery by her beautiful light_. Beatrice laid down the velvet case at Lemony's chair and threw herself lively crowd.

Beatrice was jostled to the left than to the right at points she had to crawl and others she had to climb on top of the shoulders. She was on top of a tall man with a flat face, blonde hair and a suspicious scowl when she saw him and he saw her. She waved feverishly at him and he waved softly at her with one hand in his pocket. "Hello!" Beatrice cupped her hands over her mouth, "Hi!" He shouted back, "Beatrice" "Hey get off me!" The man finally saw her or felt her the weight of the girl on his shoulder. "Sorry!" Beatrice jumped onto a woman with a bird hat, a sneezing elder; a polar bear, and on to one of the food carts. The young man followed her up till he crashed into a rather heavy looking person that looked neither female nor male. All Beatrice heard was "Baudelaire" She suddenly figured they would have to get away from the stage and the crowd, "The beach!" "Beach?" "Yes!"

How Sweet 


	3. Briny Beach

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_How unlucky of you! While on your way to the happiest little elf story you were linked to my very unfortunate story Chapter three_. _Please go to the top of the web page and click the back button immediately. Depart from this woeful story before it is to late._

As a fine writer once said Don't own 'em just think dirty thoughts about 'em

Beatrice fidgeted, her fingers closed around her skirt of murky blue time and time again. Beatrice was an extremely nervous person, standing by the black waters of Briny Beach she couldn't have been more nervous if she had to stop a bomb in a dynamite factory with a paper clip and pen, knee high in drying cement. "I found you!" _Enter Baudelaire_. "Oh that is um…Hi!" She gave a weak wave as he came up in front of her. "So I'm" **Squawk! Squawk! "**Baudelaire" "Sea gulls… I think white is such a lovely color its rare around here you know" Beatrice looked down at her feet than let out a thin laugh. "You were lovely with the bells" Baudelaire _ah my type writer was jammed. Where was I? Oh yes he was the kind of person that completed things with out any effort, he glided on a silver lined cloud. He was extremely generous and at the age of 16 couldn't have been more charming or kind if you had beat him over the head with a lollipop while it rained m&ms and then showered him with kitties and puppies. He was almost never mean to me almost… _"I…I wasn't sure I was the only other bell player. The other woman sounded far better which I guess is okay because she is extremely "In" and "In" is being "In" which is a good thing. She probably practiced 20 hours a day and drunk high quality coffee from Starbucks"

When Beatrice was nervous she usually enjoyed taking her nervousness out on the person she was nervous about in the form of rapid rather plausible talking. "And Starbucks is really expensive but she is rich and her daddy bought her this real bad smelling perfume that is so gross it smells like someone ran a rusty car into a putrid river of sewage and the car was full of dirty kitty litter and old bananas! Oh sorry" He was smiling at her listening to every word. "I'm listening fully" A gentle smile, Beatrice rocked back on her heels flashing a nervous smile back at him,

"You play the violin fluently"

"Played it all my life" Beatrice nodded sliding her hands into a cupping gesture, she was cold. The sea breeze was curling around her like a Venus fly trap. "I" "You look cold" He cut her short by reach out to hold her hands within his. Beatrice blushed feverishly. "You're funny I like you," Beatrice felt him squeeze her hands. "Funny? Is that good I mean are you making fun of me-because if you are I would rather you not and." He was laughing, "You and me are friends Beatrice I can tell" Beatrice shut up and let her new friend guide her back to the party, "We are?" "Yes" She suppressed a giggle but gently wiggled her fingers in his. "You have to meet my good friend Lemony Snicket" "Snicket? I know a Kit Snicket" "They're related!" Beatrice was thrilled to have met such a swell young man and made future plans in her mind to get to know him better.

_The beginning of a beautiful life huh? How depressing…_


	4. Uncle Monty

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_Alas I must inform you of a terribly unfortunate event, you have stumbled blindly into my woeful story of the Baudelaire parents chapter four. Please kick your computer off and hide under your bed to prevent yourself from anymore sadness you may experience while reading this story._

Woohoo chapter four it's summer and I have more time to work on it! I don't own them but I do enjoy writing about them

Let us depart from the day at Briny Beach and go forward to the finished home of an aspiring herpetologist and his nervous wife to be.

"Here it is, the finished home isn't it lovely? Quiet a nice home hmm?" Montgomery Montgomery open the front door, letting his fiancée in, her thick blonde hair was pinned up in a tight bun and her blue eyes widened at the aspect of living in such a reptile themed home. "It's well um…" Monty walked around the living room, "See over here is the hallway to the storage rooms and up stairs is our rooms" "It" She clamped her purse to her chest a worried look caking her fragile face. "So many reptiles Monty…I'm not so sure…I mean it's lovely" Monty ignored her quivering lips and gently guided her into the _Reptile Room_. "See what I've been trying to build! My own lab to keep exotic lizards!" They rounded the glass room, "Giant tortoises," The more Monty spoke, his eyes alive with excitement, "Poisonous toads" the more his wife to be whimpered, finally he paused back at the entrance doors with its giant snake slicked over the arch. "Are you well my dear?"

She carefully fixed her glasses peering anxiously around the lab. "Lots of reptiles Montgomery" Monty slipped his hands into his lime green pockets, "Yes well I love reptiles" She nodded her hand curling up over her lips, "Yes I know it is marvelous but do you not feel you could maybe put up some verdant fury dogs" "Green dogs?" Monty broke into a warm smile, "Yes well I'm not very found of green dogs." They waltzed back into the living room, "You like green"

"Yes but I like reptiles more"

His fiancée inspected with trembling hands a lizard shaped wall lamp with light flooding out its glass yellow eyes and open mouth, "But reptiles are so risky and poisonous reptiles are deadly" Monty titled his head the green and gold curtains shimmered in the tall silver leaf encrusted windows.

"My dear you built our other home on-" Montgomery the home is lovely! With lacy pillows, a vase of flowers with two reasonably sized beds; everything we would ever need,"

"Minus land," "Yes" she walked around Monty holding a tree embroider pillow she quickly sat it down on a sharp looking corner of the bay window "Realtors sell land right?" Monty sucked in a deep breath, "Yes dear but" "No land no Realtors Montgomery it is a well built home-" Suddenly his fiancée recoiled onto the bay seat, pulling up her tiny feet shrieking in terror, Monty swung around to see what had scared her.

It was a long rather thick yellow baby snake wiggling out of the kitchen. "Nancy!" "It has a name!" Her hands had fully covered her pale face, Monty picked up Nancy letting her curl up around his neck underneath his flamboyant hair. "Nancy" "It could have killed me I saw it looking my way!" She wiggled out of the seat and darted out the front door into the garden. "Dear! My My calm down my sweet all is well" Monty walked out into the garden filled with young flowers and shiny mosaic snakes, "Oh...I do not mean to be testy or rude Montgomery we can spend most the year at my pick of a home until you mellow out this one" "At lake Lachrymose?" "Yes dear" She reached out to touch his arm but reconsidered at the sight of the yellow body.

"Are you leaving?" Monty questioned with distaste, he noted her putting back on her black hat and fixing her purse, "Yes Ike is planning to come get me for some cold soup and to look in on the new home, make sure they have not installed a stove," Monty sucked in a deep breath pushing it out through his nose slowly not to scare his love. "Good bye Montgomery I shall send a letter to you care of the very fast delivery service!" "Why not call me?" "Oh no you know how I feel about phones," She gathered up enough courage to give him a timid kiss on the cheek before carefully existing the garden and moving down the street. Monty had little time to reflect on the moment before a scratchy voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I saw that!" _Once in a while everyone gets a pesky neighbor, that doesn't like you from day one and Montgomery like everyone else had just encountered his first one. _A rather pretty faced, dark harried woman of 30 with sharp almond shaped watery blue eyes and pink prim lips. Monty always responded pleasantly to her no matter what she said, "Saw what madam?" Linda Luckett was leaning over the stone wall eyeing Monty suspiciously. "That touching! Do you live here?" Monty nodded walking over to her with an out held hand. "Montgomery Montgomery! I'm a scientist" "No don't you dare! I saw all those ugly creatures being touted into that abomination of a home the other day!" " Abomination? I hardly think so! They are rather friendly, you should come over madam" "Linda and no! I don't want to be anywhere near those evil things! I hate to think what creepy crawly monsters are gliding around in your backyard! If my baby is hurt by" "Baby?" Monty cut in with an inquisitive face, "I'm expecting a bouncing baby girl very soon" "How nice I wish you the best of luck, children are the building blocks of life and they are just beautiful!" The woman frowned, "Just stay away with those creatures!" She waged her finger at Nancy. "Her name is Nancy, Linda" Linda made a gruff noise before jumping off the wall to go back inside her home.

At that very moment a large pure white stork swooped down to Linda Luckett's front porch leaving a pink bundle on the steps. "How very soon" Monty nodded, he turned and began his quest back to his home. "Nancy my sweet! Josephine is having an affair with Ike." Monty smiled, he gingerly rubbed Nancy's skin as the glided down the Reptile Room stairs to her cage. Nancy rolled back into her room hissing with sympathy for her woeful owner. "Yes I know, she builds our winter home on stilts but is afraid of me and you!" The snake lazily perched its self on a large twig. "I must talk with her later on the subject." Monty's face didn't twitch or flinch from its eerie blissful smile. _If anyone had peeked in on him standing in his new home they would have hardly thought that though his sparkling eyes, and satisfied smile his world was crashing down around him. Montgomery would become very good at hiding his feelings in years to come. _

_Secrets are often the downfall of a wonderful life. _


	5. Teddy bears and Cookies

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_Chapter five…you should have turned back if you are this far I feel more regret than ever for writing such an terrible story. Please I insist you turn back now._

The sky was a mild pink with creme colored clouds that closely resembled puffs of popcorn, the sun was eclipsed by tall black office buildings with gothic arches in the distance and red birds had settled on old telephone lines.

"Left! Now turn!" A bicycle carrying two people, the first a black coat, brown hatted young man and the second being an enthusiastic brunette in flowing black skirts and blue ribbons sped by. The girl held tightly on the calm man's shoulders, her booted feet holding onto the middle of the back tire. "Lem! Up ahead!" Beatrice pointed her index finger at a bricked house down the hill in a pleasant turn that led to a tranquil forest trail. Lemony lifted his head for a moment before whizzing down the steep slope. "Hold on" He whispered, he quickly spun the petals back pushing the rusty breaks, they popped over a few rocks and past an odd man hiding in the bushes of a green wood house.

After a few bounces that took them off the ground they landed painfully _I repeat _painfully in front of a bowl of petunias and a small garden with green bushes. Beatrice hopped off smoothing out her skirts as she often did. Snicket rearranged his hat low on his face just in case some shady characters were watching.

"This is it right?" "Yes I asked my sister before we went skydiving. Your cookies?" Beatrice shook her head, she let Lemony remove her basket of cookies from the cage on the back of his two-wheeler. "I hope they like my cookies, I worked very hard and I went thought 52 different cookie batches and 12 different cook books then I sat and tried to concoct a special cookie with peanut butter and chocolate but then I wondered if he was allergic to peanuts!" Lemony waved her to stop chattering, "Just give them to him, Beatrice glimpsed a _Drama log _in Lemony's basket, "You have a play to go too?" Beatrice picked up the black notebook from the cage, "Yes tonight, in fact I have to Finnish up my typing on _The Littlest Elf_" Lemony gently recovered the book from Beatrice's sweaty hands placing it back on top two pens and a large leather bound volume.

"Okay well I'll see you later" "Uh huh" Snicket climbed back on to his bicycle waved to his beloved and sped away. _Beatrice waved at me till I was well out of view and had just made it in time to pick up the hiding man and the child he was holding by the ankle. _

The door. Beatrice wasn't scared of doors she had encountered several different kinds of doors, form creaky to crinkle to blue from yellow to short from fat and she had always mastered them with her articulate sound knock. She merely knocked once in the middle and the application of weight rung the knock like a smooth chime all though a home no matter the size. But this blue door scared her; she shuffled her feet, twisted her ribbons and jerked her basket muttering quickly to herself.

"Hi! Is your son home? I brought cookies for him…I mean the family no…Hi! I was in the neighborhood and couldn't help but notice…I was running from a wild cookie monster and I just had to get these cookies to a safe place." In all her muttering she carelessly leaned against the round doorbell seven times. Quiet by accident the door jerked open and Beatrice let out a shriek of shock scattering a few cookies onto the porch and the person holding the door.

"Are you okay?" He panicked looking feverishly at the girl. "I'm-I'm fine thank you," Beatrice sputtered, "Oh you rang the door bell seven times I thought for sure someone was in real need of help!" He sighed with relief and a quick smile. "I must've done that with out knowing…um cookies?" Beatrice was utterly humiliated holding up her assorted cookie basket. "Cookies huh? Sound good. Come in," Beatrice slipped in around him and felt a great deal of warmth from the inside of the home with its deep cherry woods, and creamy walls.

The Baudelaire boy led her straight into the kitchen and took the basket from her setting it on the kitchen table. A restless silence settled upon them instantly as he took his seat back in front of his spying in Venice book. "Nice home," Beatrice tried helplessly to break the silence with a pleasant comment before realizing she wasn't talking to a 40 year old Japanese CEO of a teddy bear company that secretly sold frosted ice pops. "I love it, my family and I have lived here for a good 10 years," "Oh how neat I lived here all my life I don't remember seeing you though." "Maybe it's the age different but from what I hear we'll be seeing more of each other real soon." Beatrice blushed at his sentence, "Yah." was her smart remark, "You want something to drink?" she nodded than stopped, "Um wait I have to use the potty I mean bathroom," He smirked at her as he reached into the refrigerator, "The bathroom is up stairs 10th door on the right if your in a hurry the really nice one is the 34th on the left edge turn." Beatrice didn't wait to listen to anymore bathroom directions, she hurried up stairs and made it half way down the 2nd left turn before she realized what she had come up there to do. "Bathroom…Bathroom," She turned on her boot heels checking the identical doors with a queasy sense that she hadn't really listen to him and she should have. "Wouldn't hurt to check." She murmured opening the first door on the right and peeking in. The room was decked out in what could only be called every boy's dreams. It was a smooth blue with black shelves caked with books on just about every subject, glossy desk and a wardrobe caressed the room's walls and the bed was simple with deep aqua sheets and a few pillows. The ceiling hung with model airplanes and mysterious bandits. On the desk lay fragments of music and pieces of bizarre instruments. "This must be his room," Beatrice against her better judgment and on impulse slipped in to the room to take a quick glimpse.

She hurriedly inspected the desk "Do re mi mi mi fa mi re do," She read than sung before tiptoeing over to his bed in the mist of touching one of the worn in pillows her boot moved a cuddly bear into view from under his bed. She looked down and covered her mouth to suppress her shock, surprise and delight at the cute thing. Beatrice bent down to hug the thing to her chest, "He has a soft spot," She dreamily smiled holding the thing up. "Beatrice?" The sudden call brought her back to reality and reality was this she was in his room holding his special toy with out his permission! She had to sneak out and find the bathroom. Out of the room she ducked and right into thankfully a pink painted bathroom. "Beatrice you all right?" "Yes! I'm fine and thank you for asking," Beatrice put her hands quickly to the door and slowly locked the knob so he would come in. "I was admiring your um.." She glanced to the right, "Sink and um…picture of the little boy peeing." "Oh.." The young Baudelaire went quiet and refrained from asking any more questions or opening the door as he had planned to do. "I'll be down stairs then." "Good!" Beatrice let out a sign of relief that was short lived as she caught just where she had tossed the bear for safekeeping.

It bobbed sloppily in the creme colored toilet. "OH MY GOD!" Beatrice covered her mouth and reached out to pick it up by its dry ear. Water washed the floor and nearby sink as she held it at arms length, "I've ruined you!" Suddenly a thought came into her mind as well as a brown hair dryer. "I'll just dry you off! Than no one will have to know that I dropped your little body in to the toilet!" She clicked on the dryer and turned her back in a sort of cupping way to shield as much as possible the humming sound it made. "Come on get dry cutie! Please I need you to get dry-" A spark flew out of the dryer as she maneuvered the bear on to its back to try and get the little wet part of its arm. The bear was now not only wet but the dry part was being consumed in flames. Beatrice let out a shriek throwing the bear down on the floor and stomping it.

Downstairs the Baudelaire turned a page of his book and popped a cookie into his mouth. "These are good," He crunched around on 2 more before Beatrice slowly made her way in to his line of sight with her arms behind her back and tears running down her face. "Beatrice what is it?" The young man stood up, "I'm SO SORRY! I WONDERED INTO YOUR ROOM AND I FOUND THIS BEAR AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SO CUTE AND IM SOOOO SORRY I RUINED IT YOU DONT HAVE TO TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!" She threw the bear's charred remains onto the kitchen table and raced out of the manor screaming she was so sorry. The young man leaned over and picked the bear up by its foot, Mr. Baudelaire at that moment made his appearance. "Son is that a bear?" "Yes dad its Martin's he must have left it under my bed when he came over the other day," "Well might I ask what the hell happened to it?" "Nothing much I'll go buy Martin a new one." "Well throw that one away than son." The charming Baudelaire smiled at the tiny-blacked face, "No I'll just get it fix nothing Widdershins can't mend."

_Mending is not fixing a problem it's simply putting a band-aid on it. _


	6. Giving up

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_Usually a chapter 6 means that a story is going very well and it employers the readers to read on, but this isn't usually and you the reader should not read on._

Whoa chapter six feeling special!

"It was terrible!" "Do you not feel it wasn't all that wise to be in his room in the first place Be?" Beatrice folded her arms in front of her lacy brown corset flopping down in front of Lemony Snicket with a quick huff. "Well maybe not but it still was…I don't know…he'll never talk to me again. Lem when we get married you aren't going to get mad if I go into your room right?" Lemony carefully put down his cloak and shook his head. "No not at all Be," "Good we can get married and have three children and then we can go for picnics and stay out all night dancing." She flashed him a beaming smile before putting on a sailor's hat. "Think its to much?" Lemony slipped on a mask and softly smiled back at her. "No its a good disguise." "You look like the phantom of the opera!" Beatrice took off her hat and fished around in the trunk for a few more things. "You shouldn't worry to much about the young man I'm sure if he wants to be your friend he'll over look it. At any rate he'll have to get over it we all work together and-" "Oh my GOODNESS! I forgot my bag in the park!" "Your bag?" Beatrice flung off her new secretary wig and made her way to the front door. "Yes my viper felt duffel! Lem I'm so sorry! I'll be back in a jiffy!" "I can take you there," She flung open the door, "No that's all right I'll be right back!" Beatrice threw herself out his front down and sprinted down the street.

"She is really a piece of work hmm?" Kit came into view with a gallon of green paint and two paint brushes. Lemony turned to Kit just as she bent forward to rearrange his mask, "She's coming back," "I hope so she left all her things, I'm going out with Jacque to paint the house green." With that Kit skipped past Lemony and shut the door behind her. Not a moment after she had done that than the door bell rung.

Lemony slowly got up and popped open the door. The Baudelaire son stood in front of him dressed as the outrageous and sarcastic Ford Prefect, from the black tie to the zany blazer he was head to toe disguised. "Hi, Lemony?"

"Yes,"

"Wow phantom of the opera,"

"Ford Prefect," "Yah I had to infiltrate a Slatibartfast birthday party but that isn't important the important thing is I have this bear." He reached into his coat and presented a brown teddy bear in a pink dress and a matching bow, "You see Beatrice was over at my house the other day and well to be short I didn't want to appear stalkerish so I figured I would give the bear to you and well she knows you so if she wanted to talk to me again I mean I must've seemed totally shocked by the whole ordeal last time than she would take the bear and come to my home. I see it as sort of a okay lets start over present. If she doesn't want to talk to me when she gets the bear than I will not bother her ever again." Lemony took off his mask to make sure he was hearing him right, the bear slipped into his hand it was soft and rather cute.

The Ford disguised Baudelaire nodded, "Thank you I have to go now, get changed and then speed down to the vermilion fey deli." Lemony watched him get back on to his bike and take off down the road. Kit leaned down from the arch of the front door. "He seemed nice," She spoke calmly from her upside down position, "Uh huh," "You going to give it to her?" "Um yes of course." But Lemony wasn't sure the moment flashed back to Beatrice digging in the chest speaking of marring him. Lemony liked the idea of spending the rest of his life with Beatrice but the _bear_ its big black eyes stared back at him with pools of unconditional and hidden love. The bear itself was finely made and as Lemony turned it over in his hands he realized its dress was real silk and the bow was pure cotton the fur had been deep cleaned and then scented like cookie dough, the eyes were actually new and rounder and smoother than any marble or glass Lemony had ever seen. The son had paid a pretty penny for the bear, nobody would pay that much to give it to just a _friend_.

"I'm back and here to stay at least till dinner." Beatrice graced Lemony with her presents, she pushed him playfully back into his home. Lemony watched Beatrice walk into the kitchen and let out a sigh as she opened a cabinet, he could give her the bear and tell her what the Baudelaire said or he could tuck the bear away never worry about him again and marry the stunning and attractive Beatrice. _It would be so easy so_ _very easy…_"You want sandwiches?" Beatrice was holding a loaf of bread. _Just throw the bear onto the_ _couch and go make sandwiches, don't ruin your future Lemony_. "Beatrice," Lemony's voice almost failed him, "Yes?" She came towards him as he entered the kitchen, with pain he handed her the beautiful bear, her face lit up, "Its beautiful Lem!" "He brought it here for you Be," Lemony felt his throat tightening up, Beatrice knew who _he_ was her head jerked up to stare at Lemony. "He said if you wanted to start over than to take the bear and come over to his house." Beatrice hugged the bear to her chest and then hugged Lemony. "OH my GOOOODENNESSS I have to go seee him! I have to meet him and then we can start over and be friends and and! Oh my GOODNESS! Lemony I have to goooooo! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH! I'll see you tomorrow!" She jumped over the chest and darted out the door. Lemony felt the air leaving his body, the whole kitchen seemed to be fading fast his head was spinning and tears were pooling in his pale eyes. The kitchen floor was consuming him, "Lem!" Kit came racing in caked with green paint, he had just given up the love of his life the one just for him and frankly it hurt.

_Depressing? _


	7. Help

**Review if you must stay away if you can.**

_Dearest reader you must be a very optimistic person to wind up on chapter seven. Let me be the one to tell you spoil it so to say there isn't a good ending in fact it is very depressing so I beg you to stop and go read about Mr. Potter I hear he has a new book out._

"I just can't" Standing on Damocles docks Montgomery Montgomery listened to his fiancé's murmuring. "You are just so…so..risky and Ike understands me, he-" "He understands you?" Monty had to cut her off he didn't like doing that sort of thing for it usually made her uncomfortable considering it was bad grammar but he couldn't see how he was any more risky than the next average Joe.

"Well he listens to me when I-"

"I listen to you sweet heart." Monty made an attempt to touch Josephine, she waved away his hand with a gray handkerchief. "You don't understand me Monty I use to think in time we would work it out but now I see…" Monty began feeling queasy, was she trying to break up with him? "We can make it sweet heart we don't have to let it go, I'll move in with you and we can sell our summer home. My designed home." Monty's voice seemed to waver. "Really," He began again, "I can be every bit as good as Ike-" Josephine shook her head, her eyes darting about as the wood underneath her gray boots creaked. "Montgomery you are chasing brown bunnies." His nerves were being stretched. "Brown Bunnies? I thought the saying was chasing rabbits?" "No, no brown bunnies, ten times harder to catch." "Josephine! Josephine come off the docks before they collapse underneath you!" Monty's nerves like rope began to break and unravel as he turned to see the timid man in brown at the beginning of the docks. Ike. Josephine's face brightened at the sight of him, she touched Monty's shoulder, "I hope you understand and that we can still be friends." She kissed his cheek and dropped a ring into his pocket. With that she turned and hurried quickly but not to quickly over to Ike where they departed full of caution from the sad place. Monty picked the ring out of his jacket pocket and laid it flat on his palm. _Snap_. "I will catch a brown bunny and I will prove you wrong my dear." He gave an warm smile to try and prevent tears.

The sky was an unusual ruby with pink outlining on round gray clouds, Beatrice moved a few random strands of hair out of her face as she sped down a rolling hill. She was seventeen and on her way home from a secret mission on vertical fresh drop a rather perturbing place where you could quite easily fall to your death. Climbing off her bike she noticed a tall man in front of her home holding a envelope, "Hi there," She huffed moving her bike to the inside of the fence, the man's thin lips twisted into a smile. Beatrice dusted off her green dress and grabbed her duffel, "Hello Hello Hello Beatrice," His voice was horse and deep like he had been shouting all day. "Is that for me?" His eyes became very shiny as he bent down to hand it to her. "Yes," She pulled the letter from his firm grip and put it in her skirt pocket, "You all right?" Beatrice always tried to be polite even to rather uncomfortable people, he nodded than fixed his pants, "My new play," "Really new play what is it called?" "_Shout till the can shout no more _and I am the main character." Beatrice figured, she decided not to ask anymore questions but to wait till Lemony reviewed it. "Well I must get going the show can't go on with out its main actor." The man pulled his bike out of her mother's petunias and strolled out to the side walk. "See you Beatrice," Beatrice managed a light hand wave before stepping into the home. _I might add that it was not a good play at all._

"So lets go over this again you say someone is stealing your recipes and selling them for money?" The Baudelaire son was dressed up as an auctioneer in front of long pink hard candies. "Yes well I'm just not sure what to do, what would you do?" A high pitched voice responded, he nodded turning over his orange common book than flipping through a few pages, "You say," He read, "You say they have stole your ice cream that never melts, bubble gum that never losses its flavor and-" "What does it matter!" The voice suddenly blurted, lavender eyes darted around the factory floor, "I know who they are, spies!" the Baudelaire paused, "Spies from Fickelgruber, Prodnose, and Slugworth's candy factories!" The voice seemed to find its owner as well as the eyes for from out of a small door came a rather pale fragile looking man in a dull green jacket. The man signed taking off his hat, " I appreciate your interest in trying to help me little boy," the auctioneer flinched, "but I think I have to well never mind you may leave go home." The man slumped his shoulders and walked away leaving the Baudelaire's only son to debate what to do. He decided to catch the train and maybe on the way home find out a way to help the famous candy whiz. Besides he missed his sweeter than any candy on earth Beatrice.

Uncle Monty was out in his front yard of his home watering the plants and any nearby reptiles in need of a good wash. It was mid morning and Monty couldn't see better weather to be outside in, Linda was still sleep and would be for the next three hours plenty of time for him to water the front and go into the back to work on the garden, tend the great tree and make sure the maze was keeping the toads content. _Ring! Ring! _Monty peered out from behind his bush frog to see Beatrice _Hissssss _riding her bike down the street, she pulled over as she caught sight of his vivid green home. Monty let Nancy wind up his left leg as Beatrice came to a complete stop. "Montgomery?" "Well hello Beatrice!" Her lush brown hair was freely cascading in thick curls around her face and her smile illuminated the whole garden. Monty sprayed a nearby bush as she made her way up to his front steps, "How are you?" "I'm good Beatrice I'm so glad to see you." "Don't go out there! THAT MAN IS OUT THERE!" A voice cried from next door, Beatrice frowned at Monty, he smiled and waved her over as he turned off the hose. "Mrs. Luckett fire ball next door, her husband must be leaving for work, only reason she would be up so early. Come inside!" Beatrice pointed to her bike, "Oh leave it Rupert will keep watch." "Rupert oh!" Beatrice covered her mouth in shock as a lively purple snake roughly the size of a willow tree wrapped comfortably around her bike.

"Come in! You can help me if you don't mind."

"Oh no not at all I wasn't doing anything today, I thought I would just ride my bike around maybe go to the beach. You know I leave tomorrow for-" Beatrice trailed off as they stepped into the reptile room. Her voice totter as she tried to express her overwhelming ah of the huge lab. "You like it?" "Wow, It's beautiful" Beatrice breathed peering up at the sea serpent's skeleton. "This is my pride and joy my life's work I call it the Reptile Room." Monty tucked his hands in to his vest pockets surveying the room with enjoyment, he had never had anyone tell him it was beautiful. Beatrice slowly walked past cages and exotic nets, glass cases, bottles of blues and blacks, wall hangings, large maps and reptile theme lamps. "This room is amazing:" Beatrice tapped the glass a fish looking creature crawling out from under a thin rock and smiled at her. "It smiled at me!" Beatrice giggled in surprise. Monty stood in the arch of the double doors watching Beatrice become accustom to the lab. Brown hair. Beatrice moved her hair out of her face as she bent of a tank full of slimy green toads, the sun sandwiched between two clouds beamed down making her brown hair glow. Monty tipped his head…Brown bunny…"Beatrice! Dear come over here I have a bit of a puzzle concerning my purple toads and yellow snakes that I would like you to help me with." "Oh sure!"

_How beautifully depressing._


	8. Secret Mission

_**Review if you must stay away if you can.**_

_Dearest reader it is perplexing that you should have gotten this far. What has the world done to you for you to think this is a proper story to read? Perhaps you have lost you mind, in any case I would be glad to call a doctor for you. _

Chapter Eight I am so glad to have got this far, this is only really in part thanks to my first reviewer made me feel really goooood! So I decided to write more just for them plus my Coldplay CD helped a bit too.

"This place is really creepy" Beatrice picked up a blue tile adding it to her pile tucked neatly away in her captain's hat. "Hey-" "Shh call me Chief of police we'll be out of here in a bit sweetie" He handed her a pink tile. "That should be the last one, we should head back over the track to the office room." Beatrice held the hat close to her chest as they walked out of the tiny shack and over the track. Prufrock Preparatory School was in renovation and during the remodeling of a very old library had lost the tiles to its very secret room. With the new principle soon to show, a Principle Nero, they wanted to fix the lock before he stumbled upon it.

Beatrice set her hat down as they studied the broken door, on the top was the fragment of a pink tile and on the bottom left corner a green tile not much to go on. _Any other volunteer wouldn't have know possibly what to do but Beatrice was a world class puzzle solver_. Beatrice laid out the tiles in front of her tiny body then got up to survey it. The Baudelaire son leaned back against the wall, he knew if any one could fix the vault to the very secret room it would be Beatrice. "Blue, pink, pink, pink, blue, green" Beatrice turned her tile remodeling into a cute song. After a few moments the door began to sport a picture of a farm, a familiar farm. "Valorous Farms Dairy," Beatrice was reading his mind, it was a place that they met sometimes for new rules, secret missions, free hot cocoa and new disguises.

"Yah some workers from up town came in to check on the tiled wall-" a voice was speaking down the hall to another person. Beatrice laid the last tile in and turned to glance over her shoulder, "You hear that?" "Yes I hate to say this but I think we have to get out of here and fast. Shut the door honey." "Right Chief!" They both shared in a moments giggle before Beatrice pushed the door shut. "They are over there! Hey your not with the work team!" A lanky man screamed to the two youth, Beatrice crammed her glue in her hat and her hat on her head. She took hold of the policeman's hand and they darted down the hall and around two sleeping guards.

The hall came to a sudden dead end with a wide window much like the one in Josephine's home. The chief of police held out his arm to stop the feminine sea captain, "What do we do?" Beatrice felt panic creeping up her neck and spreading through her brain. The Baudelaire son being far more calm reached into his bag as he opened one of the panes, he pulled out a rope made of sheets and tied it to the column beside him.

"They went this way!" "Honey!" Beatrice panicked, "Grab hold of this, we'll make our way down and meet the Widdlershins on the road," "What if it doesn't hold I mean we could fall to our death and-" "HURRY!" Beatrice hitched up her leg and wiggled through the opening grasping with all her might the floral print sheets. Quickly the son followed her down and when they touched firm ground he again reached into his bag. "What are you doing-" "They opened the window!" The man screamed, Beatrice stepped back as her boyfriend threw his newest musical contraption at the rope. _ The musical device was created by the son to play by itself, it play four songs each a different genre each distinct and beautiful._ The device tore the sheet at the part hanging out the window, it cascaded down in a billowing fluff no longer bound by a thin thread, Beatrice jumped up and caught it around the middle. "Let's get out of here!" She cried, "Aye, aye captain!" He agreed, they sped down the hill and past a small forest. The cool air of the night was filtered in cold puff through their lips when they come on to the dirt road the chief of police saw it safe to stop and rest awhile.

"Today is your birthday Beatrice," He puffed when he finally did speak, Beatrice removed her hat and handed him the glue.

"Yes it is isn't it,"

"You have a bit of glue in your hair." Captain Beatrice's hands went to her head. 'I'm just kidding its all in the bottle." Beatrice frowned, she didn't care to much for that type of joke. "Very flipping dumb" "Flippin?" "It means random." "I hardly think that means random I believe that means I didn't have a better word to use." A humid air settled upon the couple as they watched lights connected to people connected to the school ripple through the distant darkness. "You going to give me my present?" "You are 18 and still act as a 2 year old." "That is not true chief I know you have it so hand it over!" She held out her hands expectedly. "Why I never!" He smiled, "You wouldn't have brought up my birthday if you didn't have a present." The Baudelaire's son being a Baudelaire with pride and joy didn't see fit to just hand it over, in fact he got down on his one knee to give it too her.

In the velvety darkness in a distant place on a secret mission Beatrice decided to become Beatrice Baudelaire.

_Seems like only yesterday the pain still fresh in my mind._


	9. Marriage

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"Okay so it's Lemony & Beatrice." Kit laid out the invitations. "If you want it to be." Lemony sat down next to Kit surveying the secret invites. "Where is the meeting?" "Call Monty he knows." Jacque mummer walking up the stairs. "LEMONY!LEMONY!" Kit scratched through Beatrice on accident. "Lem get the door it's obviously for you." Lemony who had just sat down rose and went to open the door.

"Lemony LOOOOK!" First thing Lemony saw under the rim of his hat was a shinning diamond. _By the way quiet impressive._

"I'm getting married" Beatrice laughed, she was wearing a flashy green and black dress and a captain's hat. I would be lying if I hadn't been shocked in fact shocked was an understatement I was floored.

Beatrice bend down to see if Lemony was okay. "Kit! Jacque!" Kit crumbled up her card and made her way to the front. "Lemony!" She went to her knees in a flurry of dark brown skirts. "Jacque get some water! Beatrice help me get him to the couch." The women painstakingly moved Lemony out of the front door and onto the sofa. Jacque brought a tall glass of cool water and Kit fanned Lemony till he finally came to.

"Lem! Are you okay? It isn't healthy for a grown man to faint you know." Beatrice informed him taking hold of his hand with both of hers, Lemony looked past Beatrice for a while taking the glass from Jacque. I_ had never focused so hard on drinking water in my life but it was all I could do to try and tune out Beatrice_.

"Really? Oh you two are such a lovely couple really I am pleased." Kit responded to Beatrice.

"Are you coming?"

"Of course!"

Can you relay my invites to Josephine and Ike when they get back?"

"I will I have to go get them on the morrow." Jacque butted in, "What about Monty?" Kit questioned, "Oh I was on my way to his home right now." "Lemony do you feel all right?" Kit gave him a inquisitive glance, Lemony sat up shaking Beatrice's hands gently off his. "Lemony can help with the early-" Beatrice began but Lemony cut her short, "I can't go" He wiggled off the couch.

Beatrice's face fell a panic attack hit her, "WHAT? Why not?" "Because I will be on a mission," "WHAT MISSION?" Beatrice put her hands to her chest, her heart was thumping so hard she could hear it. "A secret mission." Lemony pushed past them starting up the stairs. "I believe I'll be gone all month." "But you can't be! My wedding is this month! You have to come you're my best friend!" "I'm sorry but duty calls." Beatrice chased Lemony up the stairs her boots slamming against the wooden floor as she collided with a locked door.

"LEMONY! What's the matter? Are you sick are you angry at me? You would never do this to me! Lemony!" Beatrice jiggled his locked door in earnest. _Okay so maybe right then and there I didn't have a mission but by noon the next day I was going to a_ _frozen tundra for two months._ She banged some more before glancing at her watch the eye minute hand said she had time. Beatrice coughed, "LEMONY I'M STAYING OUT HERE TILL YOU COME OUT!" Lemony was sitting on his bed staring at his typewriter and his theater letter about an Al guy. _Horrible play writer by the way_.

Beatrice fanned out her skirts and sat down for six hours in front of his door. She was worried sick barely eating any of the food Kit brought her as she waited. Jacque now and then would bring her a book to read but she only got half way through before she would set it down and begin to tap on his door. She wished with all her heart that he would open the door and tell her what was wrong. She wished so hard he would that she fell asleep and dreamed he did open his door and tell her what was the matter.

Much to her dismay when she awoke it was because her mom had come to get her and he still hadn't come out of his room though it might have helped her to know he was outside sitting in a tree and that he had walked around the block before coming back.

_Terribly sorry Beatrice_


	10. Catch a falling star

**_Review if you must stay away if you can._**

_Ten is thought of as a nice round number but was a nice round number have to do with utter despair and sadness? Turn back now find happiness in another story perhaps a comedy? _

"Hello there!" Beatrice sung, she was up on green ladder feeding attic toads that were colored yellow and purple. The heels of her purple boots held her comfortably on the rings and the splatter of rain on the domed windows was soothing to her heart.

Monty closed his common book and put the invitation to a secret meeting entitled _Olaf and Esme_ inside his Brazilian desk. "When do you want me at the wedding?" He bellowed, she was up rather high her brown hair in French braids. "Um whenever you want to show up." She looked down from the perch. Monty came around his desk and stepped over Nancy. "It's no surprise my dear, you two were made for each other. I'm happy for you." Beatrice flashed him a heart stopping smile, "Your very sweet Monty. We love each other me and ah-" Beatrice choked on her words as purple powder whisper around her immaculate face. Unfortunately while talking to Monty she had neglected not to touch the toads' slick skin and had got sprayed with a defensive gas that rendered her useless. She closed her eyes every color seemed to melt together and the Reptile Room shook.

"Beatrice!" Monty released the chair he was moving and ran as Beatrice's form fell off the ladder and fluttered through the air. She landed hard in his arms popping his back. "By JOVE!" Monty laid her down on a table. "Jove? Uh huh here that's me." She pushed her head to the side and held out her arms. Monty put her arms down and took the book in his mind of attic toads out. The powder inhaled made one loss consciousness of who they were.

"Be-" He paused and leaned down his face inched from hers. Her eyelids fluttered and her pink lips parted as if she didn't know what to do because she didn't know who Jove was. He involuntarily touched her left pigtail, the brown hair was shinny and silky under his fingers. He slowly rubbed the hair between his thumb and index finger.

_A kiss from a brown bunny perhaps? _He focused his attention back to her flawless face and- _Ring!_ Monty jerked away as if caught but it was just the doorbell. He jammed his hands into his purple pockets, "Beatrice my dear I'll be right back."

"Air pilot huh?" Monty smiled brightly at Beatrice's fiancé.

"Yes it does seem like quiet the outfit but get this I just got back from some flying lessons!"

"Flying high me boy." Monty chuckled, the pilot took off his hat and put it under his arm.

"So Is Beatrice here? Her mother said she spend most of her time here in the early hours of the day."

"Of course she is! Come in! Come in! My boy she's in the Reptile Room!"

"I never get tired of this amazing place! Monty you never cease to amaze me!"

"Then I guess I'm doing my job!" Monty joked, a clatter of objects down the hall reminded Monty of something important. "I believe that is my fridge raiding snake Nancy. I will be back in a tic!" Monty departed from the room quickly leaving the Baudelaire to himself. "Beatrice honey?" He called starting down the steps. Beatrice came from the poison cabinet holding her head in puzzlement.

"Beatrice?"

"Dear?" Her face altered between knowing it was the love of her life and not for a moment. _ Just a moment I should reminded you because not soon after she passed Uncle Monty's desk she remembered he was. _

She met him on the last step with a heartfelt hug.

"Where have you been?"

"Piloting"

"Fun?"

"Amazing!" They giggled,

"I was just telling Monty what a grand lab this was."

"Oh I know! I just love how the snake travels the length of the room. It's so detailed with individual scales and a purple glass eye!" She linked her hand with his.

"Glad to see you." He whispered

"Same here" She squeezed gently, "Nancy is quiet the snacker! Taking my assistant are we?" The pilot shrugged then gave a deep laugh. "All right then get out of here! You to have fun and be careful!" Monty waved them away. "See you tomorrow Monty!" Beatrice cried as they darted out the door holding each others' hand.

Monty waited for them to leave and be a good way down the street before climbing up the ladder to watch his attic toads. "You my beauties have given me that idea of the century! Take a bow." He chuckled.

_They often say what you don't know won't hurt you. What do you think?_


	11. An Idea

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_Winter is often in most minds a time of merriment and of family comfort but winter in my mind brings nothing but hidden pain and suffering. _

Snow drifted down over the icy lake Lachrymose, it caked Briny beach, blanked the Baudelaire's mansion, sifted over Beatrice's cozy home, layered its self on the empty Snicket home and glazed Uncle Monty's thriving lab.

Though it was 10 degrees outside inside the Reptile Room it was 101 degrees the equivalent of a Cuban rain forest. Flashy pink Alaskan cow lizards darted up the walls and splashes echoed through out the dome. Monty shook vigorously a glass tube, the blue liquid bubbled and turned a bile green. He slowly sat it down and backed away. Sweat covered his brow as he watched the tube with sick anticipation, chirping come from the trees behind him.

The green liquid ceased its bubbling and settled. Monty bend over his desk glass cracking under his boots from failed experiments. "Come on now," Monty bit his lower lip. Cracks drifted up the tube and with a sudden and loud _bam_ the tube exploded over the desk, toxic gases swirled and swept up to the ceiling before dividing into nontoxic elements.

Monty couldn't open his eyes, with his right arm up for protection he didn't want to see another failed attempt to catch a brown bunny. Something twisted up Montgomery's leg. He lowered his right arm and opened one eye. "Nancy! Silly girl get on! I'm mighty busy I believe this is another failed-" Nancy hissed as if to say, "_Before you give up loooook_." Monty put his hands to his chest in shock.

On the desk was tiny slivers of green less than half an inch long. It had worked! The experiment had finally worked!

Monty cracked a wide smile, he shook his head and laughed. "How positively wonderful! Oh dear." Monty covered his mouth, he didn't want to celebrate to early, he wiggled Nancy off his leg making his way into the kitchen. He dug around in his leaf encrusted cabinets before pulling out a sun glass.

In the glass he filled it half full with water. Monty began muttering to himself as he traveled back to the lab. The scientist wiped his damp red hair out of his face and slowly picked up a small amount of slivers. Carefully Monty let the slivers slid out of his hands and into the water.

The slivers hit the surface of the water with little noise and dissolved instantly turning the water pink.

Monty picked up the glass, it was too obvious! There had to be a way to give it…A crash brought his attention back to the hall. Monty walked over and peered out, his left hand resting on the stone snake's head.

"Nancy for shame!" Monty gave a tart look, while he had been observing the water Nancy had slithered back into the kitchen and had got into the Mayan cocoa mix. It had spilled over her bright yellow skin. "Silly girl!" He couldn't help but laugh at his pretty, then it hit him an _idea_.

"COCOA!" Beatrice shoved past a random amount of people. A burly man with an extremely pink face handed her a mug from the booth. "See that man over there? The one in the purple. He's my dad, he'll pay for it!" Beatrice gave the server a big smile before disappearing back into the crowd.

A flurry of snow flakes covered her blond wig. Beatrice departed from the crowd and started down the slope with intention of finding Lemony Snicket that day.

After their strange fight half a month ago, Beatrice had decided to put off her marriage to find him. She felt a strange emptiness without him, he was her best friend. When she had talked to her father on the subject he had told her quiet simple to go talk to him.

So now she found herself on slippery slop in December searching. It was like looking foe a nitro infused bomb in the world's largest donut factory. A few times she had found herself in the presents of a snow cone expert, winter tigers, ice climbers, and a tiny Asian girl in search of a mystic clow card called Snow.

Smoke gliding on air currents carried the pungent smell of bacon to the Dutch explorer. Beatrice's mouth watered, a soul cannot live on cocoa and bunny shaped marsh mellows alone! Beatrice fixed her Dutch hat and started towards to smell with new found energy.

On a flat plain sat a quaint wooden shack in front of the shack sat an Eskimo writing diligently on a large notebook.

"LEMONY!" Beatrice cried before thinking, she dropped her cocoa and took off over the plain. "LEMONY!"

_A small bit of happiness in one's empty heart. _


	12. Okay

_**Review if you must, stay away if you can.**_

_Chapter 12 happens to be one of my only memories that encompasses everything about Beatrice that I loved. _

"Really?" Beatrice was deeply interested.

"Yes, I'm thinking this would be the perfect place for the manor."

Lemony hid his surprise of Beatrice finding him. _ I have figured she would have been caught up with the veritable French diner taking care of all the very false documents concerning me in the Daily Punctilio. Leave it to me to underestimate my Beatrice_. She was quiet the puzzle solver, Lemony watched her carelessly reassemble an ancient Inca cup that he had been working on for months.

"So I was um…wondering when you'd get done here." Beatrice started, "Wondering?" Snicket lit two more lamps to create more light in the humble shack.

Beatrice became nervous as she often did,

"I didn't want to get married without you there because everyone would come and they'd ask where you were and I'd be all confused because I wouldn't know how to tell them you ran off because you were secretly mad at me! I would end up crying because I wouldn't know how to say it all, and only the guests are suppose to cry at a wedding!" "Be!" Lemony covered her mouth with his slim hand.

She blinked a few times, tear drops caught in her eyelashes. Lemony had almost forgotten how attached Beatrice was and how determined she was to make everyone happy. The Dutch disguised woman reached up and removed his hand but held its chilly skin between hers. Lemony looked down, "Please, you don't have to tell me why I made you angry just come to my wedding be my friend, my best friend, I won't bother you for the next seven years! I just want you to be around me, you're so special to me Lemony! It wouldn't be a wedding without you." Beatrice cried, Lemony pulled his hand away.

_How could I say no after she had gone through so much to find me? I may have been hurting but it was hurting her too._ Lemony didn't want to hurt Beatrice. "Okay let's go together." He answered softly.

_A moment…_


	13. The Party

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_Thirteen chapters and I haven't begun to portray the pain that resulted in this heart wrenching story. Thirteen is an unlucky number for a reason._

Lights on wires gave the party a blue glow. Fireflies danced around the trees and a faint breeze ruffled the skirts of guest and table clothes. It was the night before the wedding that would be the talk of town, a vivid history lesson, the beginning of a tragic love story, and heart warming memory. Young Beatrice had finally grown up and was getting married.

A screen made of a metal frame and white sheets separated the bride's party from the grooms cleverly. Beatrice danced with her cousins holding firmly to their arms as they ran in a giant circle. A band played on a high rise stage painted a dull gold with oak floors.

"Beatrice come here!"

Kit Snicket in robin blue rearranged the swan shaped glasses. Beatrice released her two cousins and hurried towards Kit in a cascade of brown curls and pure plum skirts. The pianist banged away on the worn yellow keys.

"You rang Kit Snicket?" Beatrice inquired fixing her bow and flashing Kit a loving smile. "Your mother told me to tell you not to get worried that she would be a little late to the party." "Why?" Beatrice asked her mother was rarely late to anything, "Oh she said she was trapped in some serious traffic on the trolley due to the baby boom down town, the storks are in overload." Beatrice nodded, "I just hoped she gets here, you know I've been gone for weeks on end at college." Beatrice used quoted for college. "You are something else." Kit had her a swan cup full of tongue blackening punch.

Someone tapped Beatrice on the shoulder, she smiling turned to see the most eye popping, blood curdling, orange in her life. "I know what you must be thinking, WOW! I could never pull off this fruit inspired dress like the famous actress that beams before me!" The woman cried clapping her neon orange nails together. Beatrice remembered the woman they had played the bells together, mountain climbed, painted homes green, created ice cream, put together Chinese puzzles…no wait. "Um…" They had just played the bells together.

Beatrice tried to look serious but it was hard to in the presents of a giant orange! A violin interrupted the awkward moment it was on stage.

"Excuse me!" Beatrice forced the words out of her mouth before ducking out of the woman's way and bouncing over to the crowding area in front of the stage. The Baudelaire's son had smartly got on stage to play in order to see the woman he loved. Sleeves rolled up, tie undone he jumped to the melody of his own song. His mother had climbed up on the stage scolded him before casting aside the old pianist to play.

Everyone in both parties had gather around merrily clapping a steady beat. Beatrice pushed some girls out of the way to get closer look of her husband to be. He caught her eyes and gave her the smile she had fallen in love with. She leaned against the metal frame and felt like her like her life couldn't get any better.

"Hello my dear."

Beatrice barely heard the voice before she found the face, being in the very front of the crowd she was at the edge of the divider and could easily peek in and see the boys party. Uncle Monty grinned at her from the other side his right hand in his vest pocket rolling a gold pocket watch around in his fingers.

"Hello Monty!" Beatrice said absently tugging at a curl. He looked out of the corner of his eye at her as he carefully faced the stage. "My dear I have a bit of a favor to ask of you. I do hope you do not think it to much to ask at a time like this." Monty frowned as if to say I don't want to burden you. "No ask me anything!" Beatrice held her hands behind her back. "Well me reptiles back in the lab-" "Say no more if there are reptiles in danger and I am there!" Beatrice held out her hand, "Let's boggy!" She laughed, "You sure?" Monty asked, 'I'll be back in time, no one will even know I'm gone!" Monty took her hand.

_He figured no one would…and no one did…_


	14. Cocoa

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_I have no words for this chapter…_

At night the house of Uncle Monty had an eerie appearance, its towering wooden frame and glassy dome casted a unusual shadow over the gas lamped lawn. The mosaic snakes' yellow eyes appeared to follow the slim figure that was Beatrice and the toad hedges seemed to breath deeply as if alive and waiting.

"All seem well, this was a very difficult puzzle to solve Monty though I am mighty glad that you asked me for help. Now these cuties can counter balance the other critters…right there." Beatrice ended her speech carefully closing the lid on the slippery bug eyes reptiles with great satisfaction of a job well done. Monty with a smile plastered on his face patiently waited, her hair shimmered by the snake's glow as she relaxed in his desk chair.

"Would you like a drink my dear?" Monty inquired.

Beatrice turned to face Monty, her hair rolled down her shoulders. "That would be wonderful!" She replied, Beatrice had such an innocents to her voice Monty felt almost sorry for the bunny.

"I'm going to get married and live with the man I love forever, the stark is going to give us lots of children and we'll teach them to be skilled and happy and they'll love us and we'll live in a cozy home! Going on secret missions and sailing the world before bedtime." Beatrice muttered to herself swinging her feet back and forth. Her mind was racing with merry ideas and wonderful memories.

Uncle Monty reentered the room with a drink in each hand. Beatrice sat up straight in her chair clapping her hands together, "I know that drink it's COCOA!" She exploded laughing. The cup was glossy green with a plushy frog face on the side. Beatrice thanked him, the liquid was a foggy brown with a tall whip of cream and tiny slivers of green that Beatrice dismissed as sugar. "I love cocoa thank you so much." Beatrice whispered sucking up the cream trying to avoid getting it on her nose. "Your very welcome." Monty said quietly sipping his cocoa.

"We'll hurry back to the party in a little." Monty spoke after a moments enjoyment of the drink. His voice echoed in the ill lit lab. Beatrice thought that sound3ed wonderful and was so glad to have such a wonderful friend to look after her.

"This reminds me of the time I took a trip to the swamps of Louisiana I was there to visit their Queen." Monty sat down his cup beginning a rather exciting story about his battle with a sea snake. Beatrice tried to listen but

_she couldn't…_

_the room looked wobbly…_

_was it just her?_

The room tipped to one side and the distant reptile cages melted into the dim windows, colors leaked from the ceiling and the stone snake lacing the wall came _alive_…it slithered up the wall and hissed at her. Beatrice tried to blink away the images, _"Love are you okay?" _Beatrice could faintly hear Monty's voice and feel his hand on her shoulder.

_What was happening?_

_Where was she?_

Beatrice staggered to her feet, the chair beneath her walked up the stairs. "The chair!" Beatrice slurred pointing at something that clearly wasn't there.

_Was someone else there?_

Beatrice rapidly lost sense of who she was. Monty gently took hold of her arm. "You should lie down." He guided her up the steps and turned to click off the lights. That sounded good. Beatrice wanted to say she would have said if she could. She did want to go lie down in her bed…her big yellow covered bed. Monty slowly led her up his snake railed stairs.

…………


	15. A Find On Isle Nine

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_We draw closer and closer to the end…the dismal, depressing end…_

The day of the wedding was unusually sunny and bright.

Lemony Snicket hung up the phone. He walked swiftly outside, his hat low to shield his eyes from the sun.

"Have you seen Be today Jacque?" He asked, Jacque got down form his ladder holding an array of roses tied with a gigantic bow.

"Be? No, why?"

"Her mother just called, said she wasn't home, wondering if maybe she had stayed over at someone else's home."

"Oh, I do hope she didn't get cold feet." Kit sighed coming out on to the front lawn her hair in a tight bun at the nap of her neck.

"Be wouldn't do that." Lemony said coolly. "What get cold feet or go missing?" Jacque inquired. "Neither one." Lemony replied. "Maybe her mother just missed her and she got a quick mission from you know who." Kit reasoned pointing at the eye shaped intercom in the corner of the porch hidden carefully behind a bowl of petunias. "That sounds more plausible." Jacque said nodding. Kit checked her watch, "The world is quiet here." She spoke softly looking up, coming back to reality she turned her head to face Lemony, "I was talking to Josephine and she was wondering if you might be so kind as to go pick up some plastic sporks from the store. You know because forks are so dangerous and you could easily poke someone's eye out." Jacque laughed finishing his second flower arrangement. "That is funny." He giggle grinning broadly at his sister. Kit crossed her arms, "That is not funny it's sad." She said tartly, "I'll go." Lemony cut the conversion short. Kit uncrossed her arms, "Thank you so much Lemony, I am going to be so busy today. You know finishing this and that." And with those words Kit hurried across the lawn and got on her bike. "I suppose I should go pick them up now. Can you keep a look out for Be encase she comes by?" Lemony asked, Jacque started on the fourth arrangement, "Sure I'm going to be here all the way till the wedding doing these flower set ups." Jacque flashed him a smile. Lemony went to his bike and got on.

"Clean up on isle five!" A scratchy voice called over an intercom. Lemony pushed his blue basket around isle seven slowly inspecting the shelves for sporks. He'd asked three different workers were the sporks were they said isle seven but clearly isle seven was canned food. He walked through two glass doors figuring the fresh produce people might be a little more attentive because they had less exposure to cleaning solutions and bleaches. "Be?" Lemony stopped in front of the grapes, in the carrot and lettuce section was Beatrice.

_You think I would be happy…_


	16. Alone

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_Chapter 16 this was a most unusual event that will only make sense in the chapters to come unless of course I underestimated your understanding which I often do._

Her lips were unusually red, she was in the clothing she had wore the night before and she wiggled her nose now and then, but that wasn't the strangest thing in her thick brown hair was a lime green ribbon in a neat bow on the tip of her head.

"Be?"

Lemony Snicket pushed past the elder woman picking off the good grapes. He rounded the tomatoes and came face to face with the love of his life. She had a plastic basket the kind you looped your arm through to carry. In the basket was a wide variety of carrots and several types of lettuce. "Be?" Lemony whispered, her eyes were wide and slightly glazed over, he reached out to touch her shoulder. She blinked and looked up at him in the mist of reaching for a bag of baby carrots. "Lem?" He frowned, it was rather puzzling behavior. _If only I had known, it had been so plain… _"What are you doing?" He asked softly, she glanced at her basket and then back at him. "Gathering food for my family." As she said it her face clearly conveyed that what she had just said was as strange to her as it was to Lemony.

"Where have you been? Your mother called me this morning."

"Um.." Beatrice squinted hard trying to recall what had happened, "Green….lots of green-"

"BEATRICE!" A loud dominate voice broke her sentence in half. In the doorway was her rhombus mother. "MOMMY!" Her mother all but punched people out of her way to get to Beatrice. "Oh Beatrice honey I was so worried! We have so much to do! Why didn't you tell me you were at the store? Your wedding dress came finally! The cake is wonderful! Are those carrots on sell? Lemony don't you have to get sporks? Your father was so concerned! What time is it?" It was obvious Beatrice had gotten her nervous chatter from her mother. "You have to get ready! It's nice seeing you Lemony! I expected you to call! Your brother Jacque did a wonderful job on the flowers! Why do you have carrots in you basket? Well we have to go! You don't have the money for that? Bye Lemony!" Her mother chattered as she shoved Beatrice out the door. Lemony had no idea what to say, an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. A worker walked up to get Beatrice's disregarded basket. 

"Where are the sporks?" Lemony asked.

_It's all I could say._


	17. Tainted

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_Short simple and ever so depressing in my mind._

Beatrice folded her hands in front of her as her mother finished tucking the last flower into her hair. "Honey you have a bit of a bruise on your neck." Her mother suddenly said. "Really?" Beatrice asked she pursed her shiny pink lips together as she closed the distant between her and the mirror. "Where?" She said slowly turning her head left to right.

"Right here honey." Her mother said sweetly putting her finger on an unusually shaped purple bruise on the right side of her neck where it connected with her shoulder. She touched it, "It doesn't hurt." Beatrice said

An image of a_ huge green snake_ flashed in her mind

"_Relax," It's yellow eyes stared devilishly at her._

"Hmm maybe you just hit yourself waking or something. By the way do you want to keep this ribbon?" Her mother held up the green ribbon, the same image flashed of the snake. "Sure" She replied flattening her loose skirts. "Okay well let's get you married!" Her mother said beaming at her, Beatrice smiled again but the smile was some how tainted.

_Somehow not the same… _


	18. A Home

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_A sort of light at the end of the tunnel._

"I have a surprise for you." Beatrice's new husband cooed in her ear, his arm around her shoulders. "A surprise hmm?" Beatrice beamed trying to contain her excitement. _Beatrice loved surprises._ _The air if I remember right was filled with the light refreshing scent of flowers, hundreds of flowers put together by my brother. It would be a rare smell to me in an even rarer memory._

The Baudelaires walked around the decorated gazebo and passed the long table covered in shapely, creatively packaged presents. Some from guests, others sent by the very fast delivery service, all immaculate in their own way. They walked some ways down the street leaving behind masses of guests.

As the couple walked an alarmingly big manor, two stories high with French doors, deep green paint, a Victorian structured porch with a lovely garden came into view. Beatrice and her husband stood in front of the house for a while.

"So what's my surprise?" Beatrice asked breaking the silence.

The Baudelaire's son gave her a side glance, followed by a loving smile and a simple pointing at the home. Slowly Beatrice's face changed from puzzlement to a unheard of expression of astonishment and joy. "THIS IS OUR HOME? Oh!" Beatrice cried, she hiked up her wedding dress and sprinted up the steps into the massive residence. The Baudelaire took off his bowler hat and went in after his wife.

_The home for readers because I'm sure you've never seen and never will see was absolutely perfect. It had two winding staircases, a unbeatable cherry wood shelved library, a long chamber filled with puzzles and musical instruments dotted with Victorian windows, a vaulted ceiling kitchen, five bathrooms, two dinning rooms, a front room, four bay windows, a living room, and four bedrooms. Everyone of those furnished with the most beautiful drapes, carpets and pictures. But that wasn't the most amazing part of the home. The house had secrets…spectacular secrets._ The groom moved a lion rug in front of the first staircase to reveal the first of many. A smooth floor shined at the happy twosome. He bent down and quiet unexpectedly opened a trap door. Beatrice twisted her veil back as the surveyed the tunnel, "To find the various funny dorks we know." Her husband whispered, "We're connected?" Beatrice inquired, "Yes to everyone of them, Kit has the plans and general outlines." Mr. Baudelaire answered closing the door. "Just perfect honey." Beatrice embraced him.

_We all learned to love that home until the fire…then we all rejected it._


End file.
